My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
