yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
