if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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