New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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