don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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