I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
