i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize