i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
