I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
