what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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