my mouth tastes like poor choices
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
