Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
