I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
