the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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