so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
