And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
