Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
