he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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