It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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