Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
