I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
