Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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