I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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