You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
