Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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