As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
