dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize