Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
