i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
