I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
