if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
