I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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