Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
