Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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