worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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