Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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