JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Two words: blizzard sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
