I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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