I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
