I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
