What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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