How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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