I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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