It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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