DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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