He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
