this beer tastes like vomit already
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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