We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
