I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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