DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
