Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize