Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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