Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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