Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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