did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
