Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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