youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
