david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
