Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
