Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
where are my eyebrows?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize