She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
