your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is wine microwaveable?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize