took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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