Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
