Screwed.edu
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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