the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
farters have to be the big spoon...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize