He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
