I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
