Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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