Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
