my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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