Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
