So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
